Acid-Reflux, My Undying Love for Mr. Lapband and Flirting with Mr. Sleeve

On Tuesday I had an un-fill because I couldn't take the acid reflux any longer. I am now far from sweet-spot restriction but this is so much better than dealing with the acid reflux and sleepless nights. What a relief. So far I have not tested how much I can actually eat because I am so accustomed to my small portions that it doesn't really matter right now! This may change soon but for the time being I am okay. I can handle it. There is no more reflux and I have not gotten stuck neither *yeah* I only ate healthy and nutritious foods *yeah* and slept 12 hours last night ;-) This was soooo needed, feeling 20 years younger today!

I also want to make sure that you all know that I really, really love my band. Without it I wouldn't even be anywhere near the weight I am at today. I am just tired of my not so pleasant side effects and in a way it feels like a never-ending story for me. Remember, I first had the infection and two more surgeries to remove the port and then to put the port back. After that Mr. Lapband worked really, really well for me. It was worth all the struggles. I am proud of what I have accomplished and I would not change a thing. There are no regrets of any kind.  I would do it again in a heart beat. I just wish everything would still be working the same way it worked for the first 1.5 years and would continue to work that way.

When I made the decision to get a lap-band in 2009 I was at a very different point. I was morbidly obese, weighing 295 lbs. and had a BMI of 46.2. My fears were mainly surgery related and of course I had strong fears of possible failures and not losing the weight. Fears of complications were secondary. I couldn't even imagine to ever weigh under 200 lbs. let alone picturing myself getting old with a lap-band inside of me.

Things have changed since then... Not only has my weight dropped to 169 lbs (BMI of 26.5) I have gained so much because of the weight loss. I feel as if someone has given me the gift of life for a second time. I have learned to love the new me very, very much. I have found new loves and passions, new hobbies and most importantly new dreams and goals for my future. I am very thankful and most of all grateful for experiencing this. This has been a wonderful journey for me.

And with everything that has been going on lately, the sudden fluctuation in restriction, the nasty reflux and not being able to have some kind of sweet-spot restriction (or at least stable restriction) and the sad outlook to may never find that restriction again has prompted my last post... because it totally sucks!

It feels like someone has given me all those beautiful and wonderful feelings of well-being and happiness and then punishes me with the worst acid-reflux to ruin the moment. And believe me all of this has negatively impacted my life. There are lots of things that I don't do no more, especially when it comes to socializing that involves eating.

My surgeon suggested the sleeve and really took the time to explain everything to me... and yes, I am okay with it (after some soul-searching)... but emotionally (and physically) I am still stuck with Mr. Lapband because I truly love him and it's not going to be easy to break-up with him and to fall in love with Mr. Sleeve. Luckily it won't happen tomorrow as I still have to go through all the red-tape of getting insurance approval filing for a divorce and by the time I will meet Mr. Sleeve I will be emotionally ready to fall in love once again and hopefully making it work for a lifetime! I hope the remaining 20% of stomach will still give enough room for some butterflies to live there <3 They will be needed.

So the next step will be getting an upper gi endoscopy done hiring a private eye to find out what Mr. Lapband is actually doing down there behind my back. Can't wait to find out and will definitely blog all the juicy details ;-)

Thank you for reading, listening and supporting me. I am so happy to be back to blogging :-)

Love and Hugs,

S.