Acid-Reflux, My Undying Love for Mr. Lapband and Flirting with Mr. Sleeve

On Tuesday I had an un-fill because I couldn't take the acid reflux any longer. I am now far from sweet-spot restriction but this is so much better than dealing with the acid reflux and sleepless nights. What a relief. So far I have not tested how much I can actually eat because I am so accustomed to my small portions that it doesn't really matter right now! This may change soon but for the time being I am okay. I can handle it. There is no more reflux and I have not gotten stuck neither *yeah* I only ate healthy and nutritious foods *yeah* and slept 12 hours last night ;-) This was soooo needed, feeling 20 years younger today!

I also want to make sure that you all know that I really, really love my band. Without it I wouldn't even be anywhere near the weight I am at today. I am just tired of my not so pleasant side effects and in a way it feels like a never-ending story for me. Remember, I first had the infection and two more surgeries to remove the port and then to put the port back. After that Mr. Lapband worked really, really well for me. It was worth all the struggles. I am proud of what I have accomplished and I would not change a thing. There are no regrets of any kind.  I would do it again in a heart beat. I just wish everything would still be working the same way it worked for the first 1.5 years and would continue to work that way.

When I made the decision to get a lap-band in 2009 I was at a very different point. I was morbidly obese, weighing 295 lbs. and had a BMI of 46.2. My fears were mainly surgery related and of course I had strong fears of possible failures and not losing the weight. Fears of complications were secondary. I couldn't even imagine to ever weigh under 200 lbs. let alone picturing myself getting old with a lap-band inside of me.

Things have changed since then... Not only has my weight dropped to 169 lbs (BMI of 26.5) I have gained so much because of the weight loss. I feel as if someone has given me the gift of life for a second time. I have learned to love the new me very, very much. I have found new loves and passions, new hobbies and most importantly new dreams and goals for my future. I am very thankful and most of all grateful for experiencing this. This has been a wonderful journey for me.

And with everything that has been going on lately, the sudden fluctuation in restriction, the nasty reflux and not being able to have some kind of sweet-spot restriction (or at least stable restriction) and the sad outlook to may never find that restriction again has prompted my last post... because it totally sucks!

It feels like someone has given me all those beautiful and wonderful feelings of well-being and happiness and then punishes me with the worst acid-reflux to ruin the moment. And believe me all of this has negatively impacted my life. There are lots of things that I don't do no more, especially when it comes to socializing that involves eating.

My surgeon suggested the sleeve and really took the time to explain everything to me... and yes, I am okay with it (after some soul-searching)... but emotionally (and physically) I am still stuck with Mr. Lapband because I truly love him and it's not going to be easy to break-up with him and to fall in love with Mr. Sleeve. Luckily it won't happen tomorrow as I still have to go through all the red-tape of getting insurance approval filing for a divorce and by the time I will meet Mr. Sleeve I will be emotionally ready to fall in love once again and hopefully making it work for a lifetime! I hope the remaining 20% of stomach will still give enough room for some butterflies to live there <3 They will be needed.

So the next step will be getting an upper gi endoscopy done hiring a private eye to find out what Mr. Lapband is actually doing down there behind my back. Can't wait to find out and will definitely blog all the juicy details ;-)

Thank you for reading, listening and supporting me. I am so happy to be back to blogging :-)

Love and Hugs,

S.

Does the Band have an expiration date? Things got bad :-(

Hi Everyone....

OMG... it has been soooo long since I wrote my last blog *badme* Please forgive me :-(
How is everyone? I hope life is treating you well and that you are happy and healthy :-)

I would also like to say "Hi" to my new followers and that I am very happy to meet you. I will soon be following you as well... I just have not been on here for a while and will need to work my way through Lapband-Blogland for the next couple of days. Please bear with me :-)

I was just checkin in here and decided to leave a little update.

On the weight front all is going okay... I am still in the range of 166-171 lb... I have some good phases and many not so good phases. My main problem is finding some kind of a sweet spot or at least a restriction that I can live with.

It all began last May when I suddenly got extremely tight (without a fill, just out of the blue) and suffered from very bad reflux and was not able to eat any solids at all. So I went for an unfill... and I gained 9 lb. :-( Of course I went for a fill again and at first everything seemed to be fine... but after a month or so I again got extremely tight and suffered from the worst reflux ever, especially at night. I woke up choking almost every night. I had chicken noodle soups for dinner and even though I stopped eating and drinking at 7 pm the noodles and the tiny veggie pieces form the soup were still sitting in my pouch (and worked their way up while I was having my morning coffee, sorry) Very bad.

So all of this has been going with me since last May. There are now only two extremes for me. I either have very little restriction and I gain weight easily (slowly but surely) or I am so tight that I can't eat and suffer from extremely bad reflux. My restriction fluctuates by itself, out of nowhere it changes... I am fine one day and the next day I can't even drink water.. the next day I am lose again and could eat a double bandster-portion. I charted the weather, my menstrual cycle, the barometric pressure... there is no pattern that any of it plays a role in my restriction (or lack thereof).

I have NO idea why this is happening... everything was fine for almost 2 years and I have lost almost 130 lb. and kept it off (with a couple of ups and downs).

The most disturbing thing is, that  when I searched the internet I found sooo many other bandsters that are having the same issues with their lap-band and most of them are having (or already had) a revision to the vertical sleeve (or bypass) because they can't take those unpleasant side-effects from the band any longer... and I don't blame them... it's horrible. It also affects weight loss. The weight I have gained when I got the unfills was the hardest to get rid of. I truly miss the good old times, the beginnings in Lap-Band-Land when everything was working well, when I was happy, made good food choices, drank enough liquids, etc.

I wonder if anyone of my followers has those problems? Are you still having sweet spot restriction? Are you still losing weight? Have you reached your goal weight and is it easy for you to maintain?


My biggest question is....

Does the band have an expiration date? Is it just not designed to keep us happy for a life time? 

Please do not get me the wrong way... I do not want to spread any negative energy on here and I do not want to ruin any weight loss journey of happily banded people... I just want to know if anyone is having similar issues?

I am kind of disturbed... and deep inside of me I know I can't go on like this :-(

Upper GI Endoscopy

Today I had to wake up at 4:30 am and I do not remember the last time that I had to get up so early. I took a quick shower, put on some make up and had my husband drive me to Beverly Hills. It was still dark outside but the sky was lit in bright orange due to the severe fires we are currently having in Los Angeles.

Traffic was really good and we arrived way to early, everything was dark and Beverly Hills seemed to be a ghost town. Even the parking garage was still closed. As we were sitting in the car and waited for the garage to open I thought about all the Dinners and Lunches I had there, about all the food and desserts that contributed to my weight gain. I wondered what dining would be like after surgery and if I will ever enjoy going for fancy Dinners again. I really like going out and enjoy Dinners with good friends. Not that I had second thoughts about surgery, I was just trying to envision what Dinners may be like... but came pretty fast to the conclusion that no Dinner can make me feel better than what being slim, fit and healthy feels like.

The longer we waited the more nervous I got...not about the Upper GI Endoscopy but the IV and specifically the needle that had to go into my veins. I am more paranoid of needles than of anything else, It has always been like this. As a child I would even run out of Doctors offices because I was so afraid and my mother had to follow me in the car to collect me. Unfortunately this fear stayed with me all my life and even though I know that it is not really painful, just the idea of having someone put a needle in my veins scares me.

When the parking garage finally opened we parked the car and took the elevator but nobody was there to open the doors. We waited and waited and waited and finally after 30 minutes a person would come and open the door. She apologized for being late, she overslept and all I could worry about was that she is hopefully not the person that will put the needle into my vein. She was not :-)

She handed me a lot of paperwork, I read everything carefully to make sure that I am not signing my life away. I did not sign the optional forms because I did not feel that I had to. Shortly after I was asked to come to the back, had to dress in one of those fancy robes. Who invented these? Honestly... I find them to be degrading...

She gave me two robes in two different sizes, I believe one was XL and the other one XXXXXXXXXL (?)... The XL did not close from the back and I was really worried to walk with exposing my behind to the entire medical staff and the other one was so extremely huge, that I could have fit in at least 3 times (and I am already 294 lbs). I choose the bigger one and wrapped it all around me. Before I opened the door I put on the funny socks, the even funnier hat and swallowed my pride and followed all orders that were given.

I had do do a pregnancy test first, which of course was negative and then I had do lay down on a bed. The anesthesiologist introduced herself to me and I right away gave her a friendly speech about my needle phobia and that I prefer baby needles and extreme caution. She promised she would take good care of me (and she did)

She put the IV needle into my right arm, it did not hurt at all but unfortunately it did not work. She became more and more nervous and instructed the nurse to hang the iv bag higher, she even became more nervous which made me more nervous. So I told her before anything goes wrong to please remove it. She removed it and inserted it into my left arm, it worked, it did not hurt and all was well.

My Doctor arrived and explained the procedure to me, I was moved into a different room and knocked out. I woke up a couple of minutes later, did not feel any pain but was extremely high, I mean HIGH, I was in a party mode, ready to go out and party all night, but it was only 8 AM and I still had to lay there for another 45 minutes until my blood pressure went up again and was released shortly after.

My Doctor talked to me after the procedure and said that I had acid reflux (did not know and had no symptoms) and showed me the pictures, which really fascinated me. I have never seen a picture of my inside before, so I asked him if I could have a copy and that I was more than happy to pay for it. Unfortunately the machine was already turned off but they had another copy that was printed on the wrong side of the photo paper, and I was allowed to keep it.