Lab-Band Weight Loss

VSG Weight Loss

Friday, October 30, 2009

Yeah, the scale is moving again :-) - Thanksgiving Challenge?

Finally the scale is moving again. I am beginning to like the liquid diet, not because of all the "delicious" choices I have but my scale really likes it. Today was my weekly weigh-in and the scale spoiled me with 267 lbs and this brings it to a total loss of 28 pounds!

Last night something weird happened,  I could feel that my body was eating itself from within. Does that make sense? Have you ever felt anything like that?

The second fill really helped, not sure about the restriction yet since I have not had any solid foods. At any rate, I am glad that the scale is finally moving again and that I do not have to look at the 269 any longer.

250s I am coming :-)

Thanksgiving Challenge... Maybe you did not get a chance to read my last entry and I want to ask again if you may be interested in setting a Thanksgiving goal?

This is what I wrote yesterday (Original Post)

My first mini goal is 255 pounds. According to my height (5'7) I would not be considered morbidly obese any longer and is a major milestone in my lap-band journey. Reaching 255 pounds would bring my total weight loss to exactly 40 pounds and I am "only" 13 12 pounds away from reaching it.

I was debating with myself all day and could not decide between Thanksgiving and Christmas... but in the end Thanksgiving won! Losing 13 12 pounds until Christmas would not be a real challenge. I am all for aggressive goals and even if I am short a pound or two I know that it will lift my spirit for the next 4 weeks and will make me give it my all. It will put a huge amount of pressure on me and I will have to work hard to reach it within 4 weeks...

Fellow Bandsters... who else is in on it to set a Thanksgiving goal and willing to work hard for it? I wish some of you would join me with a Thanksgiving weight loss goal... I really think we can shred a good amount of weight before the holidays and celebrate our loss with a delicious (but tiny) portion of a Thanksgiving Dinner without feeling guilty about it.

Let me know what you think!

@ Southern Belle: I do not know what to make of "Bandster Hell" because I was still losing 14 lbs  between surgery and my first fill. But it is up to you. You won't need to set an aggressive goal... let me know what you think! Hope you have fully recovered from surgery already.

@ Nicole: Great!!! Will check it out on your Blog!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Setting a Thanksgiving Goal... here we go! Are you in?

I am normally very careful when it comes to setting weight-loss goals because it is really frustrating if you do not reach them and since weight is determined by so many factors (muscle gain, water gain/loss, etc) and you never know how the scale will react on a certain day especially when it comes to MY scale. As you all know by now she likes to lie a lot and is very lazy and I also suspect her of discriminating against obese people! I hate her as much as I love her.

At this time however I need a goal, I need something to work forward to, something that motivates me to get up and exercise and to pay close attention to what I eat. Not that I have been cheating or having difficulties in following my regiment... I need that mental challenge of proofing to myself that I can lose a certain amount in a certain time period. Something I can and have to fight for.

My first mini goal is 255 pounds. According to my height (5'7) I would not be considered morbidly obese any longer and is a major milestone in my lap-band journey. Reaching 255 pounds would bring my total weight loss to exactly 40 pounds and I am "only" 13 pounds away from reaching it.

I was debating with myself all day and could not decide between Thanksgiving and Christmas... but in the end Thanksgiving won! Losing 13 pounds until Christmas would not be a real challenge. I am all for aggressive goals and even if I am short a pound or two I know that it will lift my spirit for the next 4 weeks and will make me give it my all.

It will put a huge amount of pressure on me and I will have to work hard to reach it within 4 weeks...

Fellow Bandsters... who else is in on it to set a Thanksgiving goal and willing to work hard for it? I wish some of you would join me with a Thanksgiving weight loss goal... I really think we can shred a good amount of weight before the holidays and celebrate our loss with a delicious (but tiny) portion of a Thanksgiving Dinner without feeling guilty about it.

Let me know what you think!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

NSV and my second fill!

This morning I was forced to try on my most favorite size 18 jeans... Not in my wildest imagination did I expect to really be able to close the buttons... BUT... I did! *dancearoundthecomputer* So I was wearing a size 18 Jeans for the first time in *letmethink* 10 months and it felt great, except for the  little muffin top, but who cares when you actually fit in it ;-)

This was a very important NSV for me, even more important than any scale victory.

Shortly after something very weird happened... I was checking on one of the incisions and felt a little bump and I pressed on it...Sorry TMI... but when I pressed on it liquid came out of the scar. I could not believe my eyes and I pressed on it again and more liquid came out... like when you have a zit *panic*. I put one of my Hello Kitty Band Aids on it (they really make me heal faster) and was not worried too much about it because luckily I had an appointment with my surgeon today and he told me not to worry and that it is an suture that my body will either reject or dissolve and that he could take it out but if he did I would end up with a larger scar. I decided to let nature take it's course instead of dealing with a bigger scar. As long as it is not an infection I can deal with it.

I got the second fill and it was not painful at all. This time I had so stand up while he adjusted the band... I had to drink water again and unfortunately I finished the 2nd cup before he completed the adjustment so I actually had to hold the needle that was stuck inside the port while he was getting me another cup of water. That was really funny. I feel so blessed that I selected Dr. Feiz as my surgeon, he is great and so is his entire staff. If feels more like you are visiting family than dealing with a physician. I hope you all are also blessed with your surgeons.

For dinner I had a Atkins Protein Shake and there was no way that I could drink it at fast as prior to the second fill. There is definitely more restriction. Will do 2 days of liquids and 2 days of mushy food and will let you know how it goes with the fill and the changes I will experience.

Will ignore my evil, lying, bitchy scale until Friday and hopefully she has some good news for me ;-)
How do you guys manage it not to step on the scale every day? I have to step on it several times a day and it makes me upset that I am so obsessed with the numbers. Unfortunately did not move and is still showing 269... Hopefully the fill will make her move!

Other than that all is well in La-La Lap-Band Land... have a lot of catching up on your blogs to do and hope all of you are doing great!

Sending lots of California Sunshine over to Gen to melt the snow as fast as possible! Poor thing.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Finally... Good Riddance 270s

Finally I lost the 3.5 pounds that I had magically gained. I have no clue where the 3.5 pounds came from but I know that they were anything else but fat.

This morning I stepped on the scale and it finally displayed the number I was so much waiting and working hard for:  269 pounds!

This brings my total weight loss to 26 pounds!

I increased the exercising to 30 minutes power-walking in the morning and in the evening, my dog loves it even more than I do ;-) and 30 minutes on the elliptical and 20 minutes on the stationary bike. Unfortunately I have not found a boot-camp-style jerk yet, that will boss me around (a/k/a personal trainer). Not an easy task, I guess my personality and looks are too sweet a/k/a soft and people are afraid that I could start crying when they boss me around. Until I find the right person I will  continue to  exercise at home / outdoors. After reading your Blogs and your work-out DVD experiences I  also ordered some for myself... they will get here by tomorrow but I will most likely not get a chance to watch them until the weekend. I ordered The Shred and some Pilates DVDs and will definitely let you know how much I like them or hate them ;-)

In regards to the restriction... well... Since yesterday I do not have much of a restriction left... it magically disappeared the same way as the 3.5 lbs appeared - no explanation whatsoever. So tomorrow I will call my surgeon's office and hopefully I can get another fill next week.

09/09 = 295
09/11 = 290 (Surgery)
09/16 = 283
09/19 = 282
09/22 = 279.5
09/25 = 278.5
10/03 = 277.5
10/06 = 276 (First Fill)
10/11 = 274.0
10/12 = 273
10/13 = 272
10/14 = 271.0
10/16 = 274.5
10/20 = 271.1
10/21 = 269.0

14 pounds to go until I reach my first mini-goal of 255!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

I got 2 pounds (gain) and a plateau for my birthday!

Unfortunately my birthday gift of stepping on the scale and to see 269.9 did not happen, instead I stepped on the scale and it showed 273, which means that I gained two pounds.

Not what I was looking for but not really a problem, I know I have done everything the right way, I keep an journal on my food intake and wear my GoWear Fit device religiously to monitor how many calories I actually burn.

On an average I have been burning 3000 calories per day and only consumed 800-1000, so there is no way that I have gained any fat, in fact I have lost fat. That 2 pounds must either be water, muscle mass (hopefully) or a combination of both.

I need to remind myself often, that my goal is not to lose weight, but to lose fat. Big difference!

My heart goes out to all of you that are dealing with a plateau. It is frustrating but we should not allow it to define your moods (easier said than done) I will not allow that scale to rule over my mood any longer, it does not matter what it says, and I have to learn to trust myself and my band.

I am at a point right now that I have reached a gazillions of times, I started a diet, followed it religiously, lost some weight and then the weight loss would stall, sometimes for weeks... It demotivated me so much that I did not see any sense in continuing my efforts and it was easier to allow myself to cheat and to ultimately stop my diet and exercise.

Not this time!

I am not on a diet! Period! I will just continue and see where it leads me..... (and it better leads me to ONEderland)

Great answers to my last post, you have no idea how much I appreciate all of you. You made me feel so much better and cleared all my doubts and questions I had. It really helps to read how others think and to know what and how they do it.

On Friday I truly felt that I needed another fill and even called my surgeons office and convinced them to give me another fill. They agreed and scheduled an appointment for Tuesday... No idea what was wrong with me... because since then I prepared a morning star veggie patty with a slice of cheese on it and also some left-over vegetables, made sure that it was no more food than the size of 2 decks of cards and could not even finish half of it. Same on Friday night, we went out for my birthday dinner and I ordered salmon with garlic broccoli and ate 5 tiny bites of salmon and 1 or 2 broccoli pieces. I felt really full and could not even try my husbands dessert because of it. Yesterday my husband wanted to eat Mc Donalds and after a night out I did not mind not cooking so I had an order of Chicken Selects and could only eat 2. I wanted to eat the 3rd one badly (head hunger) but I just couldn't.

So on Monday morning I have to make an embarrassing phone call and cancel the appointment because I need to give myself some more time. I do not think that I have a fill issue. When I eat slider foods I do not get the same satisfaction from a small portion meal compared with a solid food meal. I really need to make sure that I eat solid foods and stay away from mushy foods. And Mc Donalds is certainly not something I want to have on my meal plan on a regular basis but it was interesting to see how the band changed my eating habits from a big mac with medium fries to 2 chicken selects strips.

Breakfast is a real issue for me... I just do not know what to eat... I cannot eat eggs every day and oatmeal really bores me... What are you eating for breakfast? What works best for you?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Restriction - so confused! Help!

Until yesterday I felt that I had a perfect level of restriction but now I am confused.

  • Portion size: I can eat 3/4-1 cup of food or less per meal (depending on the consistency of the food)
  • I am satisfied for 5 hours after I ate, on Tuesday I went 7.5 hours without food (only had an oatmeal for breakfast) and was not hungry at all.
  • I can drink thin liquids such as water, coffee, tea without any kind of restriction and I can drink them as fast as I like to
  • I am not hungry nor do I have an appetite
  • I have lost 5 pounds in one week since I got my first fill
So this sounds to me the way the band is suppose to work... but I am not sure any longer... because the info on Lapbandtalk is confusing at times.

I read on Lapbandtalk that some bandsters suggest that you should even feel a restriction when drinking water and to be able to bring it up even 20 minutes after you drank it. This sounds pretty disgusting and is not something I need to experience, do I? Others suggest that you should only be able to eat 1/4 to 1/2 of a cup of food and others even mention that you should only eat a couple of spoons per serving.

So what does restriction really mean? Does it mean that you limit your food intake to a couple of spoons per serving and to be satisfied with, lets say 4 spoons of oatmeal for 5-6 hours? Does it mean that even thin liquids sit in your pouch, or if you drink a lot in your throat and you have to feel that it goes down slowly? As written in my earlier post my "full" feeling changed. With the fill I have never felt that I stuffed myself... stuffed like after you ate a Thanksgiving Dinner for example... I have never reached that point... only when I got stuck. Am I suppose to feel that way? I put the amount of food on my plate that equals 2 decks of cards and I sometimes finish it and sometimes don't... again... depending on the consistency of the food. I stop when I am satisfied, the food just doesn't taste anymore and I get a signal that it has been enough so I stop and it satisfies me for many hours... it does not require any will-power!

My surgeon only told me that I should come in for my next fill as soon as I can eat more food than the size of 2 decks of cards. But what does "can eat" really mean...? Is there a point that you just cannot eat no more because you are too full? Do you experience this kind of "full"? I do not push myself to that limit and just stop when I had enough and do not feel any hunger... 

I am really confused and would like to hear from you how you feel restriction and what full means to you and especially if you feel restricted while drinking water or tea.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I'm singing in the rain...

Yesterday it started raining for the first time since Spring. We do not get a lot of rain in L.A. but when we do I really enjoy it. It is something special because it does not happen often and I enjoy the feelings that rain brings with it, such as enjoying a hot cup of tea, wearing socks, covering up with a blanket in the evening, etc. Especially since the aunt visited... I already forgot how you guys call the aunt but you know which one I mean, the one that always wears red dresses and is kind of annoying because she gives you headaches and cramps.

I did not expect to lose any weight because of the water retention that auntie brings with her... BUT to my surprise I was down to 271 this morning! Can you believe this? I am down to 271! This makes it a total loss of 24 pounds! This is much more than I expected or dreamed of! This means I lost 24 pounds in 33 days (+ 2 days pre-op diet).

So when I took my dog for a walk this morning, all bundled up in rain-proof clothes and enjoying the crisp, clean air I could not help it and ran like a 5-year old... dancing in the rain! I am glad nobody saw me... but even if someone did I could not care less. I am happy, really... I am so happy that Your Highness is working... I love Your Highness!

Last night I was reading on and I was surprised to see how many people are frustrated with their band, I even read that one person has her band for only a week and hates it so much that she wants it to be removed. I am very sorry that people feel that way and I hope they will reconsider their decision.

I guess everyone has different expectations and everyone hopes that the band maybe still turns out like a magical fix that just takes the weight off. I do not blame anyone, nor do I judge... I guess I have those hopes myself... even though I know that it does not work that way.

I got my first fill 8 days ago... and since then I am re-discovering the signs my body is sending me. I am very much in tune with my body and can even feel when I am ovulating and which ovary releases the egg. This may sound crazy but my body sends so many signals that I just cannot ignore and I always loved to analyze the signs MY body sends me. Keep in mind that every body is different and what applies to me may not apply to another body.

The last 8 days it has been all about food and the feelings and signs that are associated with it.

  • My feeling of being full has changed. Full does not mean I have to open the button of my pants or having a feeling of being stuffed but instead it is a feeling that I am no longer hungry and that I do not need to finish my plate to get any satisfaction from food. This has nothing to do with will-power, I do not have to force myself to stop... it comes naturally.
  • My feeling of appetite has changed. I am not craving any foods nor snacks. I eat my 3 meals per day and I am satisfied. There are times when I am really hungry and I do not know what to eat... nothing seems to really excite me anymore... I am eating to stop the feeling of hunger but I do not dream of any foods or feel deprived of not having certain foods.
  • Getting stuck... I have problems with beef, even if it is soft and covered in gravy... I tried it twice and it got stuck badly. Yesterday evening it took an hour to go down and I was really worried because the feeling is very unpleasant. I did not PB as of yet but I am still experimenting what I can eat and what not.
  • I tried high-protein shakes for breakfast because I am not really an eater in the morning but I do not do too good on them. I guess they are considered slider-food and they do not give me that full feeling that lasts for a couple of hours. I switched to oatmeal (with a small amount of milk so it is not too liquidish in its consistency and sprinkle protein powder with no flavor on top of it). I eat it at approximately 10 AM and will not get hungry until 2:30 PM. 
  • I need 3 meals a day... there is no way I can adapt my pre-lap-band eating habits. I only ate two meals a day before... and dinner always was the biggest meal of the day and the one with the most calories. I assume that I ate at least 80% of my calories in the evening hours which contributed largely to my weight gain. Dinner is now my smallest meal of the day.
  • Hiccups; I get hiccups when eating too fast and not chewing properly.
  • Burps; I do burp much more than before, especially when I get stuck.
  • Vitamins; my body needs Vitamins. I forgot to take them for 3 days and got very tired in the afternoons... I even needed a late afternoon nap on those days. I take a liquid multi-vitamin + 1000mg of liquid Vitamin C + Vitamin B-Complex. I need to remind myself everyday to take my vitamins.
  • Thirst, the more water I drink the more often I feel thirsty. If I do not drink water...or too much coffee... I will not feel thirsty at all... I have a bottle of water next to my bed and finish that bottle of water while I am still getting ready for the day. This is more like a job but it helps me to properly hydrate myself throughout the day. I have no scientific proof for that but it works for me. 
Now that I am at 271 I really got greedy... I am only 1.1 pounds away of saying my final good byes to the 270s... With my birthday coming up on Friday I really want this to be my birthday gift. I will not step on the scale until Friday morning and will work very hard to lose 1.1 pounds until then. This would be the biggest birthday gift I could give myself and something that would exceed all my hopes and expectations I have had before lap-band-surgery.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

1 Month Bandiversary!

One month ago I did not really know what to expect from Lap-Band Surgery. I was not worried but I was not fully convinced neither. My main fear was that I will invite something bad into my life by engaging in surgery by choice.

Today I am most of all grateful that my surgery went well, that I did not have any complications and that my incisions healed very well. I am also happy that I had all the pre-surgery tests done because I have avoided physicals for a couple of years, mainly because of my weight and it was easier for me to live in denial than to face the fact that I was morbidly obese (and still am). It lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and I am happy that my blood tests were better than I thought, EKG turned out good and the heart echo, that I had never done before, did not show any abnormalities.

In June I also had an appointment with an ob/gyn, which I have avoided for approximately 4 years because just the idea of getting naked in front of a stranger made me panic but in order to take charge of my health I woke up one morning and knew that day was the day to schedule an appointment and I did it and when the results came back I felt a huge relief.

I am also very grateful that I have found great Doctors along the way... I never had a gynecologist that sensed how uncomfortable I was and made the check up so positive that I could completely relax and wanted to give him a HUGE hug afterward (but did not). My Lap-Band surgeon is the best Doctor I have ever had, I truly love him and I am forever grateful that he is the way he is and that I have found him. Through him I was referred to my new general physician that performed all my pre-surgery tests and I also like him a lot.

What I like most about them is the fact that they are practicing medicine because it is their calling, that they genuinely care about their patients health and are sensitive enough to understand the fears of an overweight person and just take your hand and lead you through the storm. I never had to express my fears, they sensed them. So for me a great Doctor is not only someone that studied hard and graduated with excellent grades from the finest Universities, but is also human enough to relate to patients emotions and fears and most of all never judges them.

On my 1 Month Bandaversary the biggest accomplishment is the fact that I have taken charge of my health and faced my fears head on. My decision for having a Lap-Band was more a health decision than anything else. I am very happy, thankful, grateful and relieved that I have taken this step and there is not an iota of regret in me.

Of course I am also happy that I have lost 21 pounds, that I can visually see the weight coming off, that I am not hungry, that Your Highness (my band) really knows how to control me, that I am more active and have some kind of a balance in my life. I am also happy that I learned not to obsess over the scale or fills, accepted that my weight loss will be a gradual process and that I will have to do my part in order to lose weight.

Last but not least I am also happy that I have met all of you and that we have each other for support and that we take part in each others journeys. Thank you to all of you for just being there and supporting me with your comments, answers and input. They really mean a lot to me.  I love you guys!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

My first fill...

I got my first fill yesterday... he numbed the area first and it was not painful at all. He had me drink water while I was getting the fill and once the water stayed in my throat and was blocked from going down he took a little out so the water could go down. He repeated the same procedure to make sure its the right amount. Before I left I had to drink another cup of water and it went down perfectly fine. Have to stay on liquids for 2 days and then 2 days of mushy food.

Unfortunately my surgeon did not want to tell me how much of a fill I got because he does not want me to think about it. As much as I would like to know how much of a fill I got it is probably best for me not to know because I would constantly compare it to other bandster's fills.

He also told me that my insurance company will pay for 1 fill per month which is great and to come for my next fill as soon as I can eat more food than the size of 2 decks of cards.

Yesterday morning I could not help it and stepped on my (evil, mean, lying) scale again and to my surprise it showed a 1.5 lbs loss. This brings my total weight loss to 19 lbs and with 4 more days to go until my 1 month bandiversary I want to reach the 20 lbs mark.

Even though my scale frustrated me on many occasions during the last 4 weeks I really have to look at the big picture and allow myself to celebrate the fact that I have lost almost 20 lbs in 1 month... and the best thing about it is, that they will never come back.

Okay my fellow bandsters... grab a bottle of water and say Cheers to our weight loss. :-)

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Life is beautiful!

I have no idea why I felt the way I felt yesterday... All is good, Life is beautiful.. As soon as I left the office and headed to the beach everything was fine. I had a good time with my friends and enjoyed the beach very much. I guess I needed a change of surroundings and to just enjoy myself without thinking about work, weight loss, my scale or any obligations.

My friends were a little pushy with the food, did not want to accept that I only ate a soup and declined cake and ice cream. So I said that I had some dental work done in the morning and that my teeth were extremely sensitive. I hate lying... I really do... but it is imperative that nobody knows about my surgery. For the long term I will have to come up with an excuse that will be believable and will satisfy the curious minds.

When I woke up this morning I spoiled my husband with a very nice breakfast in the backyard. I could only eat some greek style yoghurt with strawberries because my band is really tight in the morning and I am not a big eater in the morning anyway.

Have not had any real solid foods yet, but will make a solid food dinner and hope that it will satisfy my urge to chew something. Until then I will clean the house, turn on some I-love-my-life-music and if I am up to it I will rearrange my herb garden.

And from now on I will not get depressed over the scale, I will look at the positive things and those are: I have lost 17.5 lbs, that will never come back, I said my final good-byes to the 280s and know that it is just a matter of time to say good-bye to the 270s. My face is getting slimmer, my upper body is shrinking and so are my feet. I am also happy that I did not eat ice cream or cake and that it did not bother me at all that others were eating it.

In addition I removed the weight loss chart that hung above my scale until this morning and replaced it with the following:

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.
~ Kahlil Gibran ~

Thank you very much for your support and your positive words and just being there :-x

Friday, October 2, 2009

Good Days and Bad Days, today is a bad one!

23 days of liquid diet and mushy food have finally come to an end and I can eat some solid food.

I am not even excited :-( I am sitting here with my coffee... no, actually it is a cappuccino, because my coffee maker broke a couple of hours ago and ruined my Its-a-new-day-lets-make-it-a-happy-day-mood.

Yesterday I started to get some pain on top of the scar by the belly button. I assume my pants agitated the area through friction. It worried me and I put some Neosporin on it and do not think that it is an infection or anything. It is already getting better today and will not call my surgeon because I will see him on Tuesday anyway. The other incisions are completely healed, they look like normal little scars and so does the bigger one by the belly button except of that little sensitive spot. I should not worry about it... I am positive that it is nothing serious.

My scale is still not on my side.. it did not move in over a week even though I have not eaten more than 1000 calories and walked up some hills for at least 20 minutes on the Elliptical trainer on a daily basis. I cut back on the exercise because I felt that I overdid it the first couple of days and got so weak that I needed afternoon-naps afterward. It defeats the purpose. That's why I will work up my exercising regiment slowly... next week I will do 30 minutes, the week after 40 minutes and so on. Once I can handle an hour without exhausting attacks I will hire a personal trainer to bring it to the next level.

So what am I going to eat today? I have no idea... I am not hungry and I have no appetite..

I thought that a new pair of shoes would cheer me up, so I went to and ordered the pair of shoes that I have been eyeballing for the last week but unfortunately it did not make a difference in my mood. I already own the same pair in different colors and materials but the glossy one is by far my favorite... so I needed to have it. (Geox Euro 26)

I have no idea why I am feeling so down today... I am sitting in my office...staring out of the window, listen to Mary J. Blige, told everyone here that I do not want to be disturbed and feel that I should just call my girl friends, invite them for lunch, drive to the beach, sit outdoors, watch people, talk about anything and call it the weekend. Yes, I think beach would make me happy... but I do not know about lunch... I have not had any solid foods yet... and nobody knows about my surgery... I am worried that Your Highness will cause me problems and embarrasses me publicly.

Mushy, liquid-ish foods do not cause any problems but once I eat something that is on the dryer side I feel restrictions... Maybe I just order soup? Baeh... but I am so sick of soups?  But I guess I have no choice... beach and soup... or staring out of the window for the rest of the day?

I am off to the beach... hopefully it will turn my mood around.... Will check in with you later :-X

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Scales are truly evil!

When you had your psychological evaluation did they also ask you if you ever felt that you wanted to kill someone? I remember my first seminar and the hundred questions I had to answer with true or false... One of the questions was if I ever wanted to kill... and of course I answered False, because I never felt that in my entire life...

Today I felt that urge for the first time... I have a perfect victim in my life that I need to get rid of... it is standing on my bathroom floor and if I do not act it will cause me severe depression: My Scale!

I am really tempted to drive to Home Depot and to buy the biggest hammer I can find and to turn this stupid, annoying, lying scale into microscopic pieces.

Honestly, what is that scale thinking? It should know by now that I function best by positive reinforcement... when I do something really good I need a praise or a reward... if I do something bad you may be allowed to punish me... but you cannot punish me for doing good.  This does not work with me.

I tried everything with that scale, I cleaned it, I moved it to different rooms and different surfaces... I hoped it would do better on the hard wood floors or  another tile... upstairs, downstairs, outside, in the garage, or on carpet... but it does not seem to matter to her. She is being a real bit**!

I think she may be upset because I made her work so hard lately? Maybe I got a lazy scale? She was really good to me when I was 80lbs lighter... maybe she does not like overweight people and discriminates against me because of my weight? She is still nice to my husband so I have no choice but to think that it is personal. That may be the reason why they call them personal scales... because they take everything personal?

I really want to get rid of her... but I cannot kill her... it is not my style to butcher her up and then to clean up that mess and take into account that my husband or neighbors may send me to another psychological evaluation. On the other hand I would probably burn some extra calories and feel some therapeutical relief by letting my anger and frustration out on her. She truly deserves it!

I do not know what to do... I have to think about it a little longer and I guess I have to ignore her for a couple of days, maybe she will calm down...?

I give her one more week... if she does not change she has no choice but leave!

You heard that scale???  Yes, I was talking about you and I will soon evict you from this household if you do not change your ways with me! Now go and think about what I just told you! You may end up on some nasty smelling garbage dump or in the hands of someone that truly likes to punish you.

I have had it with you!