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Thursday, October 1, 2009

Scales are truly evil!

When you had your psychological evaluation did they also ask you if you ever felt that you wanted to kill someone? I remember my first seminar and the hundred questions I had to answer with true or false... One of the questions was if I ever wanted to kill... and of course I answered False, because I never felt that in my entire life...

Today I felt that urge for the first time... I have a perfect victim in my life that I need to get rid of... it is standing on my bathroom floor and if I do not act it will cause me severe depression: My Scale!

I am really tempted to drive to Home Depot and to buy the biggest hammer I can find and to turn this stupid, annoying, lying scale into microscopic pieces.

Honestly, what is that scale thinking? It should know by now that I function best by positive reinforcement... when I do something really good I need a praise or a reward... if I do something bad you may be allowed to punish me... but you cannot punish me for doing good.  This does not work with me.

I tried everything with that scale, I cleaned it, I moved it to different rooms and different surfaces... I hoped it would do better on the hard wood floors or  another tile... upstairs, downstairs, outside, in the garage, or on carpet... but it does not seem to matter to her. She is being a real bit**!

I think she may be upset because I made her work so hard lately? Maybe I got a lazy scale? She was really good to me when I was 80lbs lighter... maybe she does not like overweight people and discriminates against me because of my weight? She is still nice to my husband so I have no choice but to think that it is personal. That may be the reason why they call them personal scales... because they take everything personal?

I really want to get rid of her... but I cannot kill her... it is not my style to butcher her up and then to clean up that mess and take into account that my husband or neighbors may send me to another psychological evaluation. On the other hand I would probably burn some extra calories and feel some therapeutical relief by letting my anger and frustration out on her. She truly deserves it!

I do not know what to do... I have to think about it a little longer and I guess I have to ignore her for a couple of days, maybe she will calm down...?

I give her one more week... if she does not change she has no choice but leave!

You heard that scale???  Yes, I was talking about you and I will soon evict you from this household if you do not change your ways with me! Now go and think about what I just told you! You may end up on some nasty smelling garbage dump or in the hands of someone that truly likes to punish you.

I have had it with you!


  1. Hysterical!! That about sums up the way we have all felt at one time or another!!

  2. Amen sister!! I am in the same mood

  3. Totally love this post! One of the best post I've read so far.