My band is a male... definitely!

I was slapped by him... I have to admit, I provoked him, not in a bad way but like any woman I had to test my limits on how far I could go, stepped out of line only for a little bit and he let me know immediately that I better respect him or else... I did not expect such a harsh reaction just for eating my tuna salad a litte faster than instructed... After all I was not chewing on a Big Mac or was intentionally disrespecting him... but he did not care... He gave me a cold full-force reaction, definitely not the kind of reaction you would expect from a woman, only men can react so cold and heartless when provoked.

I do not know yet how it will make me feel knowing that I have a male living inside of me but I hope for the best... one thing I know for sure... it is going to be a challenging relationship.

With this guy crying or reasoning will not work, there is nothing I can do to make him give in, all my tricks will not work, I will never be able to wrap him around my finger... no matter how hard I try.

From an emotional point of view this is rather a sad and depressing outlook and not the kind of start you expect from a life-long love affair.

This is the reason why it is pretty easy, almost common sense, to call him Your Highness. I do not think that he will accept anything less but my highest respect and devotion to his will. I have no choice but to let him rule over me and to trust in his abilities.

I sure hope that he will be loyal to me, treats me good, looks out for my interests, puts smiles on my face, butterflies in my stomach and makes me feel really good... and most of all never provokes me so bad that I have no choice but to drown him in fatty-high-calorie-ice-cream-shakes!

My band yelled at me....

I worked out on the Elliptical Trainer for an hour today and I wanted to give up after 5 minutes because it was so hard and I did not have a lot of energy today, but I pushed myself and once I completed the first 20 minutes it became easier and I completed the hour. Anyway... after I stretched and hydrated myself I became so hungry and weak that I thought I would faint. I prepared another tuna salad (the one I posted a couple of days ago) in record time... sat down and started eating. I guess that I was so hungry and weak that I ate faster than I was suppose to. What happened then really shocked me. After the 5th spoon I felt that pressure in my chest and out of a sudden I was soooo full. Really full! Full like eating Appetizers, Dinner and Dessert. I had no PB and I did not panic but felt like somebody just slapped me in the face and yelled at me THAT IS ENOUGH - STOP EATING. I was so disgusted with food that I had to get up and walk around. It did not make me feel any better so I went outside and took deep breaths... it did not help neither and it took almost an hour for that feeling to go away.

After I felt better I had to giggle because I was not hungry nor weak any longer... unbelievable... really... I worked out like an animal and was almost fainting out of hunger and weakness and I ate 5 small spoons of tuna salad and it filled me up like I inhaled a 4-course Thanksgiving Dinner.

I did not feel any restrictions before, remember, I did not get filled yet and all the other foods I ate never caused me any problems... they went down perfectly fine and so did the tuna salad for the past 2 days. No idea why it gave me problems today, but I did not mind at all.

I guess I just fell deeply in love with my band ;-)

On the water front I did pretty good today, I drank 7x 24-oz bottles of water, 2 teas, 3 cups of coffee and also one bottle of isopure because I missed a lot of protein by not eating the tuna salad.

For Dinner I made a Mediterranean eggplant dip and put it in the smalles cast iron casserole I own, sprinkled it with cheese, broiled it for 10 minutes and it was really delicious. I ate only about a quarter of it (size of 2 small scrambled eggs) but I could have eaten more.

Testing out my limits and willpower :-)

Recipe for the Eggplant Dip:

This makes 4 portions of eggplant dip, each portion has 80 calories (I ate 1/2 of a portion)

2 lbs eggplants, 2 lbs tomatoes, bunch of parsley, bunch of cilantro, 2 cloves of garlic, 1 lemon, 2 tbs olive oil, 1 tbs paprika, 1 tbs cumin, salt, pepper.

Clean and rinse eggplants, cut into cubes, boil for 20 minutes on medium heat in water with salt added. Skin the tomatoes, remove the core and cut into small pieces, Rinse and dry the parsley and cilantro and cut small, peal the garlic. Drain the eggplant. Heat up the oil in a pan and saute the tomatoes. Add herbs, garlic (use a garlic press), lemon juice, paprika and cumin... then add the eggplant and let everything simmer for about 20 minutes. It will turn into a paste with very little soft chunks. Normally this is eaten cold, but I like it hot just as much and it was something I was very much in the mood for today. I sprinkled it with approx. 1/3 cup of low fat cheese and broiled it for 10 minutes.

My first Mushy-Food-Day!

I read on Lapbandtalk.com that many people gain weight in the mushy food phase so I tried to find a balance between foods I like, that are rich in protein, low in carbs and do not make me my gain the 16.5 lbs back that I have lost on the liquid diet *knockonwood3times*

Breakfast

1 cup Greek Style low-fat yoghurt

1/2 peach

(pureed in the blender)

194 calories / 25 g protein / 18 g carbs (16.1 net carbs) / 3 g fat

Lunch

1 boiled egg

1 can White Albacore Tuna in Water

1/2 Avocado

Juice from 1/2 lemon

spices and herbs to my liking

(mixed and mashed everything with a fork)

373 calories / 40 g protein / 18 g carbs (1.5 g net carbs) / 21 g fat

Dinner

2 scrambled eggs

1/4 cup of part-skim mozzarella cheese

275 calories / 20 g protein / 3 g carbs (3 g net carbs) / 19 g fat

Total Intake: 842 calories / 85 g protein / 28 g carbs (20.6 net carbs) / 43 g fat

Exercise:

30 minutes on the Elliptical Trainer (634 calories)

30 minutes swimming (423 calories)

15 minutes Aqua-Gymnastics (130 calories)

20 minutes sun-tanning = priceless!

Intake: 842 calories

Burned: 1187 calories

The food was delicious...I put all the spices and herbs in it that I like and tried to turn it into something delicious. I started eating with little spoons and forks but ate Dinner with a regular fork and knife. I did not feel any restrictions, ate slowly and chewed everything. Breakfast was more liquid than mushy but delicious and so much better than protein shakes.

I did 30 minutes of cardio in the morning on the Elliptical Trainer, even before I had my coffee and breakfast and started swimming in the early afternoon after lunch and after I completed the most important parts of my work. I let the sun dry my body afterward and that was the most beautiful thing of the day.

I truly hope I am not gaining weight, I am very motivated, I feel great and very satisfied.

Good luck to all my followers and readers. The Tuna-Salad was super-delicious and avocado is so much better than mayo, will definitely make it again.

Will read and comment on your blogs tomorrow, want to make a tea for me and my husband now and watch a chick-flick (poor hubby)... Need something easy that takes my mind off work, weight loss, news and politics.

Thank you to all of you! You truly help me with your support, comments and your inspirational success-stories!

I did it :-)

It is 12:30 AM PST and I am officially in the mushy food stage... hold on a second... I need to dance around the computer for a moment... I am soooooo happy :-)

I am happy because I really stuck to the liquid diet for 16 days! I am proud of myself! I had some tough moments, especially when I cooked very delicious dinners for my husband, but I stayed strong and determined and did not even lick my fingers just to proof myself that I can do it. AND I DID IT!... sorry, need to dance around the computer again, brb ;-)

• I lost 16.5 lbs
• My feet and ankles got slimmer
• My face shows lines
• My ring finger got slimmer
• Two weight loss "holes" appeared right below my ribcage
• My teeth are whiter because the liquids gave me a constant urge to brush my theeth
• I am feeling great!!!

I had to share this with you before I go to sleep... and will probably dream of my first mushy meal that I will be having for breakfast :-)

Roses are red...

The best news first: The scale finally showed 279.5 this morning *GoodRiddance280s* :-)))

The follow-up appointment was fine, I finally got to see all the people that helped me so much throughout this process and until today I had only known their voices. The check-up was quick and painless... while he worked on my incisions he was answering all the questions I had and to my surprise offered me a fill for next week. He is not in next week and I did not want to settle for the assistant... Why? Well, I have an assistant, too and while assistants of great people are good ... they would not be assistants if they were as qualified as the person they are assisting, right?.... so I scheduled an appointment for October 6th to have my first fill done by my surgeon.

I made it on time for my facial appointment at the Aveda Spa. It certainly was the most relaxing time I had all month. I jumped into my robe, selected the Rose Oil for aromatherapy and to be used on my skin... and while the room was filling up with the soothing smell of roses I was laying there listening to the relaxing sounds of nature and almost fell asleep.

Back at the office it was hard to get myself back into the working mode... I really had to push myself hard to focus on work and to get Me and my weight loss out of my mind. After all that is how I make a living and in the end of the day it is a very important part of my life. But at the same time I also blame my work and my success for my weight gain... For the last years I was focusing more on my career than on myself and I have to (re-)learn to find a balance between taking work serious and taking very good care of myself simultaneously.

On my way home I stopped by Costco to buy some necessities... They were just filling up the flower section with fresh flowers and I bought myself a wonderful bouquet of red roses that are now standing on my dining room table.

The most beautiful flowers are those that I buy for myself. When I get flowers from a man they always have an additional meaning, they are either to please you, to make you forget something or to get something from you... but it is rarely about the beauty of a flower itself.

I would like to share the beauty of a rose with you and I promise I do not want anything in return from you, I want you to pick an imaginary flower from the picture above and remind yourself that you are a beautiful human being, no matter how fat, ugly or depressed you feel at times.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall....

I am sooo in love with my "new" (slimmer) feet that I had to get a pedicure today... I went all the way and had the deluxe package, that included a mask, 20 minutes massage and paraffin. Feeling soooo good and spoiled.

Also made an appointment for a facial to pamper the newly-found-again lines in my face ;-) So tomorrow after I had my follow up appointment with my surgeon I will have a facial.

My favorite place for facials and doing my hair is Aveda... their products are inspired by Ayurveda (the Hindu science of longevity) and they only use ingredients that are found in nature. I swear by them. They have Aveda Salons all over the US, some do offer facials and massages, some do not. Their products and especially their services are just outstanding.

I decided that from now on I will love and cherish my body and will treat it good and most off all with respect. Only the best foods, ingredients and products. I have not felt like that in a very long time... and I am happy and grateful that I finally woke up from my Princess-Snow-White-Sleep.

Today I went on the scale and it showed 280.5 *smilefromeartoear*  but I do not know yet what it will be like on Friday, I weight in on Fridays. I am looking forward to saying my final good-byes to the 280s. I have said good bye to them before, and unfortunately they came back uninvited... I really hope that my lap-band keeps them away for good! They are not invited back, ever again!

I am still thinking about a name for my lap-band. It is a difficult decision and I have yet to figure out if I have a male or a female version. I think I have to get to know it a little better before I can decide on a name... but it definitely needs to have a name. Most things in my life have a name, even the voice of my navigation system ;-)

My closet still looks like a mess, like a real mess, clothes laying around everywhere and I am still digging myself through everything in order to get an overview of all the things that I own. With all that yoyo-dieting... losing weight, gaining weight, gaining more weight, losing weight, gaining weight, gaining even more...I have clothes in way too many different sizes and most of them do not even fit, but will fit soon (the sooner, the better :-)

Did not continue with my closet-project today and did not do much except working... working... working...  I am glad that I have no pain and no discomfort of any kind *knockonwood3times* Tomorrow I have my first post-operation check-up, do not know what to expect exactly but hope all will be well.

I would also like to say "hi" to my followers, makes me very happy to have friends and followers on blogger, I am reading your blogs as well and find it pretty exciting to follow your success stories.

We will do this!!!!!!! Stay positive!!!!!

Feeling like nothing ever happened!

9 days since surgery have passed and I am feeling really good, I have no pain, no discomfort, no restrictions.

I can feel my port which is a little weird because I expected it to be located much deeper. I guess I will get used to it and will not feel it after a while. My incisions are healing good. I am not hungry any more and have to force myself to drink enough liquids.

My first post surgery check-up is on Tuesday.

Today I was cleaning the house, I am still re-organizing my closet and I expect it to be completed within a couple of days. I did not even know that I have so many clothes in so many different sizes (1XL to 3XL)... I guess I do not need to buy anything for some time :-)

The most amazing thing that happened today was right after I took my shower... I can see that I am losing weight!!!!! Yes, I can see it!!! *hurrray* *jumparound* *smilefromeartoear*. Okay, I can only see it on my feet and in my face. It is fascinating.... my feet are looking less "heavy" and I can see facial lines (not wrinkles) in my face, that I have not seen in a very long time. It is sooo exciting. These are the little (for me big) things that really motivate me and that is the reason why really have to share it with you.

While cleaning the house I found empty glasses, mugs, cups, etc. all over and put them in the dishwasher. I had to laugh a lot because this dishwasher has never seen so many used drinking containers ever. So I had to take a picture... to remind my self of what a liquid diet looks like ;-)

Wearing my Jeans for the first time (post-op)

13 lbs truly make a difference. My jeans fit soooo much better :-) It really put a big smile on my face!

I am wearing my jeans for the first time since surgery. I kept it very comfortable for the last week and ran all my errands in sweatpants. It is something I truly appreciate in the US. In Europe  you could never go in sweatpants to the bank, the store, the office. etc... and if you did everybody would give you the looks, bad looks, really bad looks. Here nobody cares... and I am loving it!

The jeans do not cause any trouble while walking or standing, but sitting is a little difficult because the button irritates the port area. Hopefully this will get better soon...

Wearing a size 20 Jeans right now and I already fit in the size 18 (yeah!!!)... but I cannot wear it until the port area is completely healed. Heal baby, heal <3


Day 8 after Surgery Stats
Pain on a scale from 1 to 10: 1 (no pain at all)
Discomfort on a scale from 1 to 10: 1 (little discomfort in the port area)
Overall Feeling: Very Good and very happy!!!

Update - Houston, we DO NOT have a problem!

Called my surgeon's office and I do not need to worry :-)

I was told that everything should be okay and not to eat any jello until the solid food phase. I also asked about the bad dry heaves I had after surgery and throughout the first night. My stomach was all cramped up and it really wanted to vomit badly, but could not. She said not to worry about it neither, that it was caused by the anesthesia and as long as it disappeared all will be fine.

So I am relaxed now, will turn on some feeling-good-music and re-organize my closet.

Day 7 after Surgery Stats
Pain on a scale from 1 to 10: 1 (no pain at all)
Discomfort on a scale from 1 to 10: 2 (little discomfort in the port area)
Overall Feeling: Very Good and very happy!!!

Houston we have a problem

I was looking through my handwritten notes and found the list with all the things I am allowed to have during the post-op liquid phase. It specifically states that I can have Jello and that it counts as a clear liquid. So I took a raspberry jello (the only ones I like) out of the fridge and ate it very slowly with an espresso spoon.

After I had the 5th or 6th spoon of jello I immediately felt that something was not right. I felt pressure in the stomach area and that the jello was blocked from going down. I kind of panicked and decided to drink a hot tea and that it will hopefully turn the jello into liquid again. It took around 30 minutes and the pressure disappeared.

So I looked at the information again that the dietician sent me and it states specifically NO JELLO!!!

What did I do??? What was I thinking??? I am sooo upset.... I cannot believe I could be that stupid... and the Jello was certainly soooo not worth it. I do not even like Jello that much.... grrrrr

No idea how the Jello made it on my handwritten post-op liquid list, I only wrote down information that either the insurance nurse or my Surgeon or his staff gave me. Not blaming anyone but myself. Just hope I did not ruin anything.

Day 6 after Surgery Stats

Pain on a scale from 1 to 10: 1 (no pain at all)

Discomfort on a scale from 1 to 10: 2 (little discomfort in the port area)

Overall Feeling: Very Good (physically) but very upset and depressed because of the Jello!!!

Fighting Hunger

For the last two days I have been extremely hungry, even after the protein shakes and soups. Last night I could not fall asleep until 5 AM and thought a lot about hunger in the world, about wasting food, being considered morbidly obese while fellow human beings do not have anything to eat, starve day in and day out and tens of thousands die on a daily basis because of hunger.

It really saddened me, that while I was getting more and more overweight and eating rarely out of hunger I almost never thought about the human beings that simply do not have any food and are feeling real hunger on a daily basis.

So I came up with a plan.

For every pound I lose I will donate $10 to the World Food Programme.

This way I will feel even better about losing weight and can share my happiness with those that need food more than anything else.

Today I have donated my first $120 for the 12 lbs I have lost so far.

If you would like to join me with a donation >> click here <<

Every $ counts and will make difference in the fight against hunger.

• 1.02 billion people do not have enough to eat - more than the populations of USA, Canada and the European Union;
• The number of undernourished people in the world increased by 75 million in 2007 and 40 million in 2008, largely due to higher food prices;
• 907 million people in developing countries alone are hungry;
• Asia and the Pacific region is home to over half the world’s population and nearly two thirds of the world’s hungry peopl
• More than 60 percent of chronically hungry people are women;
• 65 percent of the world's hungry live in only seven countries: India, China, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Bangladesh, Indonesia, Pakistan and Ethiopia.
• Every six seconds a child dies because of hunger and related causes;
• More than 70 percent of the world's 146 million underweight children under age five years live in just 10 countries, with more than 50 per cent located in South Asia alone;
• 10.9 million children under five die in developing countries each year. Malnutrition and hunger-related diseases cause 60 percent of the deaths;
• The cost of undernutrition to national economic development is estimated at US$20-30 billion per annum
• One out of four children - roughly 146 million - in developing countries are underweight;

Source: http://www.wfp.org/hunger/stats

Day 5 after Surgery Stats
Pain on a scale from 1 to 10: 1 (no pain)
Discomfort on a scale from 1 to 10: 4 (little discomfort in the port area, very hungry)
Overall Feeling: Good and happy!!!

Getting better and better....

This morning I received a phone call from the insurance nurse. She asked how surgery day was and how I felt. I have to admit really like the fact that my insurance company offers that service. She answered my questions regarding the bowel movement and she said that I had no reason to worry since I do pass gas. She said that once you are able to pass gas it shows that everything is still working and that it is not unusual to not have any bowel movements after surgery.

I guess that's how life is because after I hanged up with her I had my first bowel movement ;-)

Unfortunately I forgot to ask her about the dry heaves. After reading Dr. Ortitz's book on lapbanding I am really worried that my almost-vomitting-attacks did cause damage. I hope not, but will ask my surgeon, just to make sure that everything is okay.

I am normally a very relaxed person and do not worry about things that cannot be changed anyway, but in this case I am worried because I really want my lap-band to work and of course want to lose weight :-)

Other than that I am doing fine. I have not needed any pain medications/anti-nausea medications since Sunday morning. I can move around, get up and down easily and still do very good on the liquid diet. I am cooking for my husband every day and it really is not hard at all, I do not even have an appetite.

My husband drove me around so I could run all my errands, I went to the bank, the supermarket, the post office, met with a client to hand out some paperwork and did not feel any negative side effects. It is really going good. Did not expect to feel that good after 3 days of surgery. (KnockOnWood3Times)

I am recovering very well from Lap-Band Surgery.... took the pain medications and nausea medications this morning and have not needed any more since then.

My husband takes me for little walks, I have almost no gas pain and my incisions do not hurt at all. I had a very pleasant night, I was able to sleep on the side (my preferred position) and could get in and out of bed much easier than the nights before.

I had an Atkins Vanilla Shake for Breakfast... drank a cup of tea and followed it up with some Isopure. I do not know about other bandsters, but I have no restrictions at all, I can drink and it goes down easily, I can drink as much as I want and as fast as I want. No pain and no discomfort of any kind. I hope this is not a bad sign because I read on Lapbandtalk.com that most bandsters feel restrictions after surgery and can take in only limited amounts of liquid.

For lunch I had a Tomato Soup and also took my liquid vitamins.

I have no hunger, have to force myself to drink and "eat" but have a strong urge to brush my teeth constantly.

The only thing that worries me a little is the fact that I have not had a bowel movement since 2 days prior to surgery. It would make me feel so much better if I had one because I would know that "everything" is still working.

Recovering from nausea and dry heaves

To my surprise surgery was not bad at all, the hospital and it's staff were great, they were all extremely friendly and professional. They cared and understood the worries a patient has before surgery. Most off all they really understood my phobia with needles that have to go into my veins. I thank them for that.

After I drank that apple juice in the hospital I started to get really nauseous. I have not felt that bad in a long time... It was a feeling of helplessness, it took over my entire body and I was unable to function. The anti-nausea medications did not work for me and I had to find ways to deal with it. My husband was even more worried than me, because I am normally a strong woman and I deal with things and do not whine about them. He wanted to help me so bad but I did not let him because I was unable to communicate with him. Talking made me even more nauseous so I kept it to a minimum. My husband is a wonderful man that truly loves me and for him just being there caressing my arm to relax me and help me fall asleep was more helpful than any medicine.

I had strong dry heaves. I could feel how my mouth filled up with saliva and my body gave me all the signs that vomiting was imminent.... but I could not vomit.... I was hoping I could... but I could not. I had the worst attack at 3 am... right after that I took more anti-nausea medications and also the pain medications and to my surprise they worked and I felt asleep and slept until 9 AM.

Since then I am feeling fine, I have very minor pain... a little gas pain in my left shoulder and do not have any hunger nor appetite. I take my anti-nausea and pain medications every 6 hours, read a lot, walk around in the backyard, watch tv, drink teas and nap a lot.

I would do this surgery again... it was not bad at all!

*giggle* *smilefromeartoear* I have a lap band *jump* *scream* *hugtheworld*



This is the bag they gave me right after surgery and it has been next to me ever since.

Surgery Day

Got up at 6 am, showered, put a little suitcase together just in case they needed me to stay overnight. Drove with my husband to Cedars Sinai Medical Center, parked the car and admitted myself into the hospital.

I was tired, calm and ready for surgery.

We were sent to the 5th floor, where a lot of people were waiting, some patients and lots of family members. After 30 minutes my name was called, I was promised that I would see my husband again before surgery so we did not say good bye. I was then brought to a little chamber to change. I was not allowed to wear anything but the fancy robe which again only came in XL and XXXXXXXXL sizes, this time I chose the smaller one because the huge one I wore at the upper gi endocopy made me feel very uncomfortable.

After I got dressed I had to walk to the other side of the room to get weighted. The scale showed 286.5 which surprised me because I weighted myself at home that morning and I was 290.

Then I was laying on the bed for some time, nurses stopped by, asked questions, made me sign paperwork, put a clip on my finger to monitor my pulse and on the other arm a blood pressure measuring device. The anesthesiologist came, introduced himself, asked more questions, informed me about the risks that were relevant to my case and put the IV in. He really did a good job and it was not painful at all.

At that point my husband was called to join me, which made me very happy. Shortly after my surgeon Dr. Feiz arrived which made me happy too because I had to see him before surgery just to be sure that it is really him performing the surgery. When I went for my lapband seminar he unfortunately had a flat tire and arrived several hours late. While laying in that bed and getting hooked up to everything I could not stop worrying that he may have another flat tire and that some intern could perform my surgery. No idea why I worried about something so unrealistic, but it felt really good to see him and took all my fears away.

Then everything went pretty fast, the nurse came, moved my rope up and gave me a shot into my belly.... It really burned... I have no idea what it was I think something that prevents blood clotting....but that was the moment from which on I lost track of time and events.

I do not remember how I said good bye to my husband, do not remember how my bed was moved to the operating room or what an American operating room looks like. I always wanted to see one. I remember that someone asked me what "NoIdeaWhat" is called in my native language and that I tried very hard to say it but felt that the part of my brain where my native language is stored was already under anesthesia. I have no idea if I was really asked to say something in my native language, what it was and if I was able to answer or not.... and I will most likely never know.

The next thing I remember is being blinded by a very bright light and Dr. Feiz standing on the right side of my bed talking to me. He wore something red on top of his head and I tried to figure out what it was and I couldn't. I think I asked him if I had a hernia and he said yes.... But did it really happened? I do not know... It feels very surreal.

The next thing I remember is the recovering area and another person screaming in severe pain waking me up. I felt so thirsty.... Extremely thirsty and I asked the nurse for something to drink but he only came back with a little pad on a stick (the size of half a square-inch) dipped in water. I sucked all I could out of that pad but was not able to quench my thirst.

According to my husband surgery was completed around 12:30 pm, and I must have slept a lot in the recovering area because I only remember being transported to another area around 3:00 pm. My husband was allowed to join me there... We did not talk much because I was still tired and slept on and off for several hours but it made me feel very good that my husband was there, I could feel his presence. In between I was finally offered something to drink... I was so excited because my mouth was still unbelievably dry and I was sooo looking forward to a big glass of ice cold water... but when the nurse returned with a mini 1 ounce cup (the ones you get with the over the counter cough syrup) of water I was truly disappointed.

Welcome to Lapband-Land I said to my husband... and we both had to laugh which made me feel my incisions for the first time. That was the first time when I uncovered myself and looked at my incisions, not too bad, 3 very tiny incisions and one a little bigger right by my belly button.

At 5:30 the nurse told me that if I could pee I could go home... so my dearest husband wrapped me in the sheet (he is creative isnt he?) and brought me to the rest room. I did not feel any pain and I was able to pee in the designated container. The nurse was very happy with the results, told me to get dressed and made me sign paperwork that explained what I could and could not do. One point I had to sign off was that I should not sign any documents so I was confused because why did she make me sign the paperwork when I was not allowed to sign paperwork? I signed it anyway because I really wanted to go home.

She gave me a small cup of apple juice and told me that I was allowed to drink... I drank it.. which was a big mistake... I will blog about it separately when I feel better... it is time for a nap :-)

Day 1 after Surgery Stats
Pain on a scale from 1 to 10: 4 (incisions hurt and I feel like somebody beat me up from the inside)
Discomfort on a scale from 1 to 10: 8 (only want to lay down and sleep, have to force myself to go for walks)
Overall Feeling: Okay and happy that I really did it!!!

The Day before surgery

I am not hungry, I am still following my clear liquid diet to the T.

Am I nervous? I don't know - not really
Excited? A little bit
Scared? Only of the IV ;-)

I just want to get it over with and I am trying not to dwell on it too much. I know everything will be fine and before I know it it will be all over.

I just had a Moroccan mint tea, sat by the pool, dipped my feet in the water and looked up in the sky and wished (not in a religious kind of way) that the lap band will really work for me, that it will really help to make me lose weight.

This is the only fear I am having, that it may not work and that is also the reason why I cannot allow myself to get too overexcited. I am a goal-setter kind of person, a risk taker, a fighter and a warrior but most off all an emotional dreamer... I will do all that is required of me to do, I will follow each and every guideline and rule to make this work. I am not looking for a quick fix, I am willing to work for it. I really am... But after all the weight loss failures I have endured over the last decade it is hard for me to still enthusiastically dream the dream of reaching my goal weight and being slim.

I want to dream the dream so badly and I know that once I lose some weight with the band I will learn to dream again and once I can dream I know that nothing will or can stop me from reaching my goal.

I do not even know anymore what I looked like and what it felt like to be slim. This is really sad and almost makes me cry because I cannot understand how I could have allowed myself to balloon into such a huge woman.

My only wish for this surgery is: Please do not disappoint me!

Clear Liquid Diet

As of today I am on my clear liquid diet. It is not too bad, I am drinking lots of teas, isopure, broth and water. I even cooked lunch and dinner for my husband and it did not bother me not being able to eat.

I also like the idea of drinking teas. During my last trip to Europe I bought a lot of different teas from all over the world and I never got a chance to try all of them. I love European tea stores, unfortunately I have never found an equally good assortment in the US. Some time ago I ordered some teas online, but they were really disappointing.

So I am sitting here, drinking a glass of almond tea and I am looking forward to get banded in....39 hours... ;-)

Will keep you posted.

Did not expect to be THAT hungry.... I really am! I am starving! I wish I could at least have a protein shake or soup... but I cant :-( and I wont

I believe this is the price for over-eating without feeling hungry for years.

Upper GI Endoscopy

Today I had to wake up at 4:30 am and I do not remember the last time that I had to get up so early. I took a quick shower, put on some make up and had my husband drive me to Beverly Hills. It was still dark outside but the sky was lit in bright orange due to the severe fires we are currently having in Los Angeles.

Traffic was really good and we arrived way to early, everything was dark and Beverly Hills seemed to be a ghost town. Even the parking garage was still closed. As we were sitting in the car and waited for the garage to open I thought about all the Dinners and Lunches I had there, about all the food and desserts that contributed to my weight gain. I wondered what dining would be like after surgery and if I will ever enjoy going for fancy Dinners again. I really like going out and enjoy Dinners with good friends. Not that I had second thoughts about surgery, I was just trying to envision what Dinners may be like... but came pretty fast to the conclusion that no Dinner can make me feel better than what being slim, fit and healthy feels like.

The longer we waited the more nervous I got...not about the Upper GI Endoscopy but the IV and specifically the needle that had to go into my veins. I am more paranoid of needles than of anything else, It has always been like this. As a child I would even run out of Doctors offices because I was so afraid and my mother had to follow me in the car to collect me. Unfortunately this fear stayed with me all my life and even though I know that it is not really painful, just the idea of having someone put a needle in my veins scares me.

When the parking garage finally opened we parked the car and took the elevator but nobody was there to open the doors. We waited and waited and waited and finally after 30 minutes a person would come and open the door. She apologized for being late, she overslept and all I could worry about was that she is hopefully not the person that will put the needle into my vein. She was not :-)

She handed me a lot of paperwork, I read everything carefully to make sure that I am not signing my life away. I did not sign the optional forms because I did not feel that I had to. Shortly after I was asked to come to the back, had to dress in one of those fancy robes. Who invented these? Honestly... I find them to be degrading...

She gave me two robes in two different sizes, I believe one was XL and the other one XXXXXXXXXL (?)... The XL did not close from the back and I was really worried to walk with exposing my behind to the entire medical staff and the other one was so extremely huge, that I could have fit in at least 3 times (and I am already 294 lbs). I choose the bigger one and wrapped it all around me. Before I opened the door I put on the funny socks, the even funnier hat and swallowed my pride and followed all orders that were given.

I had do do a pregnancy test first, which of course was negative and then I had do lay down on a bed. The anesthesiologist introduced herself to me and I right away gave her a friendly speech about my needle phobia and that I prefer baby needles and extreme caution. She promised she would take good care of me (and she did)

She put the IV needle into my right arm, it did not hurt at all but unfortunately it did not work. She became more and more nervous and instructed the nurse to hang the iv bag higher, she even became more nervous which made me more nervous. So I told her before anything goes wrong to please remove it. She removed it and inserted it into my left arm, it worked, it did not hurt and all was well.

My Doctor arrived and explained the procedure to me, I was moved into a different room and knocked out. I woke up a couple of minutes later, did not feel any pain but was extremely high, I mean HIGH, I was in a party mode, ready to go out and party all night, but it was only 8 AM and I still had to lay there for another 45 minutes until my blood pressure went up again and was released shortly after.

My Doctor talked to me after the procedure and said that I had acid reflux (did not know and had no symptoms) and showed me the pictures, which really fascinated me. I have never seen a picture of my inside before, so I asked him if I could have a copy and that I was more than happy to pay for it. Unfortunately the machine was already turned off but they had another copy that was printed on the wrong side of the photo paper, and I was allowed to keep it.