The Day before surgery

I am not hungry, I am still following my clear liquid diet to the T.

Am I nervous? I don't know - not really
Excited? A little bit
Scared? Only of the IV ;-)

I just want to get it over with and I am trying not to dwell on it too much. I know everything will be fine and before I know it it will be all over.

I just had a Moroccan mint tea, sat by the pool, dipped my feet in the water and looked up in the sky and wished (not in a religious kind of way) that the lap band will really work for me, that it will really help to make me lose weight.

This is the only fear I am having, that it may not work and that is also the reason why I cannot allow myself to get too overexcited. I am a goal-setter kind of person, a risk taker, a fighter and a warrior but most off all an emotional dreamer... I will do all that is required of me to do, I will follow each and every guideline and rule to make this work. I am not looking for a quick fix, I am willing to work for it. I really am... But after all the weight loss failures I have endured over the last decade it is hard for me to still enthusiastically dream the dream of reaching my goal weight and being slim.

I want to dream the dream so badly and I know that once I lose some weight with the band I will learn to dream again and once I can dream I know that nothing will or can stop me from reaching my goal.

I do not even know anymore what I looked like and what it felt like to be slim. This is really sad and almost makes me cry because I cannot understand how I could have allowed myself to balloon into such a huge woman.

My only wish for this surgery is: Please do not disappoint me!